Saying goodbye

When I was little, I loved the movie Muppets Take Manhattan. For those of you who have not been blessed by seeing this hilarious movie, I'll fill you in. Kermit and the rest of the Muppet gang write a play while at college (yes, Animal was in college -- I didn't question it too hard either). They take the play to New York City in the hopes of making it big on Broadway. Their dreams fail, and the gang has to split up and travel across America to find jobs. In the end, everything works out as it should, but should you really expect anything else from a Muppet film? One of the best parts of the movie occurs as the Muppets are splitting up and sing the song "Saying Goodbye." I still know all the words to this song and could sing along with it now if I had the movie playing.

Piggy: Saying goodbye, going away
Seems like goodbye's such a hard thing to say
Kermit: Touching our hands, wondering why
Both: It's time for saying goodbye.

Scooter: Saying goodbye, why is it sad?
Makes us remember the good times we've had
Much more to say, foolish to try
It's time for saying goodbye.

Gonzo: Don't want to leave, but we both know
Sometimes its better to go

Rowlf: Somehow I know, we'll meet again
Not sure quite where and I don't know just when
Floyd: You're in my heart, so until then
Electric Mayhem: It's time for saying goodbye.

Fozzie: Somehow I know, we'll meet again
Not sure quite where and I don't know just when
You're in my heart so until then ...
Wanna smile
Wanna cry
Saying goodbye

Tonight I feel like the Muppets did. I am so bad at saying goodbye. I'm so terrible at it that I just like to pretend that there are no goodbyes to be said, that everything will continue normally. This evening we had dinner with a family that has become very dear to my heart. The lovely, amazing wife was the first person at our church to welcome me and to care about me as an individual, not just someone's girlfriend, and this family has been there with us as we progressed from dating through engagement and into marriage. Dinner was wonderful, but I could barely look at anyone when we were leaving because both of us women were fighting back tears. I didn't want to acknowledge that this might be the last time we see them before we move or that we won't be sitting by them during worship service anymore. This morning at church was another verse of the same song; we have one more service before we move, but we won't have Sunday School next week and likely won't get the chance to interact with many of those people again before we move. I wriggled my way out of one set of goodbyes because it's just too hard! I'm not fond of crying in front of people unless it's tears of joy, and all these goodbyes are making my eyes quite moist.

This is by far the worst part of moving. In a way, I feel a little like we're having an extended funeral only without anybody dying; so many people want to share a last little something before we go. We've had numerous invitations for last dinners together or for grabbing coffee, and it has meant the world to me to spend time with our amazing friends. I only wish we had an extra two weeks or a private jet to transport us back to Houston at the drop of a hat! I know God will provide us with new friends and new relationships, but they will never replace those that we already have here.

Tonight our friends asked us if we plan ever to return to Houston. At this point in time, we both have expressed a desire to do so, but things are still very uncertain right now. I'm considering an extra 2 to 3 years of training on top of the 3 to which I am already committed, and that's another interview process right there if we decide to follow that route. Being okay with not knowing where we will be living in 3 years is scary to someone who obsessively records entries in the calendar on her Palm Pilot, but God is teaching me the importance of total reliance on Him through this. At dinner I shared that I actually did not get into my first choice program for medical school; 4 years ago, I wanted to do the MD-PhD program at UT-SW in Dallas. I got into medical school there but not the PhD part, so I accepted a position at my school here in Houston in the dual degree program. God knew what He was doing because 2 years later I switched to a straight-up MD (and cut 4 years off my time in school), and 2 months after I dropped out of the program, I met my husband. God is good. He is faithful. He is wise far beyond anything I'll ever understand. I know He'll direct my path.

In the meantime, I'm left with the painful task of saying goodbye. I prefer saying "See ya later" because it doesn't hold all the implications that "goodbye" does. In spite of the tears I've shed tonight, my optimistic side is prevailing. I'm looking forward to a new apartment where we are not surrounded by boxes and to forging new relationships in the next stage of life. I'm also looking forward to the big hugs we'll get when we come back to Houston whether to visit or to live. Most of all, I'm looking forward to watching my faith grow as I take His hand and follow where He leads.