Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Worth a thousand words

Our photographer gave us 1500 pictures on a DVD; we've cut it down to less than 400 so that it's not completely impossible to look at them. If you want to see them, here's the link to the site where Scott posted them.

For the record, I really like the pictures, but I'm more enthralled by Stan's video. He did an amazing job.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Saying goodbye


When I was little, I loved the movie Muppets Take Manhattan. For those of you who have not been blessed by seeing this hilarious movie, I'll fill you in. Kermit and the rest of the Muppet gang write a play while at college (yes, Animal was in college -- I didn't question it too hard either). They take the play to New York City in the hopes of making it big on Broadway. Their dreams fail, and the gang has to split up and travel across America to find jobs. In the end, everything works out as it should, but should you really expect anything else from a Muppet film? One of the best parts of the movie occurs as the Muppets are splitting up and sing the song "Saying Goodbye." I still know all the words to this song and could sing along with it now if I had the movie playing.

Piggy: Saying goodbye, going away
Seems like goodbye's such a hard thing to say

Kermit: Touching our hands, wondering why
Both: It's time for saying goodbye.

Scooter: Saying goodbye, why is it sad?
Makes us remember the good times we've had
Much more to say, foolish to try
It's time for saying goodbye.

Gonzo: Don't want to leave, but we both know
Sometimes its better to go

Rowlf: Somehow I know, we'll meet again
Not sure quite where and I don't know just when
Floyd: You're in my heart, so until then
Electric Mayhem: It's time for saying goodbye.

Fozzie: Somehow I know, we'll meet again
Not sure quite where and I don't know just when
You're in my heart so until then ...
Wanna smile
Wanna cry
Saying goodbye


Tonight I feel like the Muppets did. I am so bad at saying goodbye. I'm so terrible at it that I just like to pretend that there are no goodbyes to be said, that everything will continue normally. This evening we had dinner with a family that has become very dear to my heart. The lovely, amazing wife was the first person at our church to welcome me and to care about me as an individual, not just someone's girlfriend, and this family has been there with us as we progressed from dating through engagement and into marriage. Dinner was wonderful, but I could barely look at anyone when we were leaving because both of us women were fighting back tears. I didn't want to acknowledge that this might be the last time we see them before we move or that we won't be sitting by them during worship service anymore. This morning at church was another verse of the same song; we have one more service before we move, but we won't have Sunday School next week and likely won't get the chance to interact with many of those people again before we move. I wriggled my way out of one set of goodbyes because it's just too hard! I'm not fond of crying in front of people unless it's tears of joy, and all these goodbyes are making my eyes quite moist.

This is by far the worst part of moving. In a way, I feel a little like we're having an extended funeral only without anybody dying; so many people want to share a last little something before we go. We've had numerous invitations for last dinners together or for grabbing coffee, and it has meant the world to me to spend time with our amazing friends. I only wish we had an extra two weeks or a private jet to transport us back to Houston at the drop of a hat! I know God will provide us with new friends and new relationships, but they will never replace those that we already have here.

Tonight our friends asked us if we plan ever to return to Houston. At this point in time, we both have expressed a desire to do so, but things are still very uncertain right now. I'm considering an extra 2 to 3 years of training on top of the 3 to which I am already committed, and that's another interview process right there if we decide to follow that route. Being okay with not knowing where we will be living in 3 years is scary to someone who obsessively records entries in the calendar on her Palm Pilot, but God is teaching me the importance of total reliance on Him through this. At dinner I shared that I actually did not get into my first choice program for medical school; 4 years ago, I wanted to do the MD-PhD program at UT-SW in Dallas. I got into medical school there but not the PhD part, so I accepted a position at my school here in Houston in the dual degree program. God knew what He was doing because 2 years later I switched to a straight-up MD (and cut 4 years off my time in school), and 2 months after I dropped out of the program, I met my husband. God is good. He is faithful. He is wise far beyond anything I'll ever understand. I know He'll direct my path.

In the meantime, I'm left with the painful task of saying goodbye. I prefer saying "See ya later" because it doesn't hold all the implications that "goodbye" does. In spite of the tears I've shed tonight, my optimistic side is prevailing. I'm looking forward to a new apartment where we are not surrounded by boxes and to forging new relationships in the next stage of life. I'm also looking forward to the big hugs we'll get when we come back to Houston whether to visit or to live. Most of all, I'm looking forward to watching my faith grow as I take His hand and follow where He leads.

A new name

Over the last few weeks, I've been going through the process of legally changing my name. I've had to prove to numerous people, businesses, and organizations that I have said the proper things in front of the proper person (namely our minister) and have filed the proper forms. Good times! One of the hardest parts about changing my name has been deciding what to keep as my middle name.

I've known for years that when I got married, I would take my husband's last name; it's always been a given in my book. What I never thought about was whether I'd use my maiden name as my middle name or whether I would keep the middle name that I've had for 24 (almost 25) years. In the end, I made the decision to drop my maiden name and keep my middle name. There were a few reasons that factored into this choice. First (and least important), I think it sounds prettier this way. I'm a very girly girl, and having my very manly last name ruined the flow (it also sounds hyphenated when you say it quickly, and that's not my bag). Second, I love my middle name. Elizabeth is my mother's name, and I've always thought it was so beautiful. I have loved having a piece of my mom's name and have always thought it was very cool to carry a piece of her with me. She is one of the most amazing ladies I have ever met, and her strength has carried me through some of the darkest times in my life. Certain choices I have made in my life have reflected my desires to pass on to my daughters some of what my mom has passed on to me; keeping this part of my name serves as an important reminder of what kind of wife, mother, and woman I want to be. Finally, I chose to drop my last name completely and adopt my husband's as a sign of our unity. I'll never stop being a part of my family, but like it says in Genesis, my husband and I are now one. We have begun our own family! I know this is certainly not true for all ladies, but I knew for myself that if I maintained my former identity, I would be holding on to my independence and would not be fully submitting myself to my husband's leadership.

Accepting my new name and my new identity is both difficult and exciting. I still catch myself using my maiden name at times (although it is happening much less frequently), but it's one of my new joys to sign my married name. Marriage is not a piece of cake; adjusting to living with someone, learning all their quirks, sharing a bed (I have always had my own!), and dealing with tough decisions together are all challenging, but it is so rewarding. I'm looking forward to seeing where God takes us over the next five years. I have no idea where that will be, but it will never be a boring ride!

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Enthralled

I don't boycott very often, but several months ago I started drastically to reduce my viewing of the E! Channel. I now reserve it for "The Soup" or an occasional 5 minutes of TV viewing that requires no usage of my brain, but I no longer spend hours at a time parked on that channel. It's now The Food Network in our household (although The Duchess has been replaced in my eyes by the mighty Queen of All Things Southern). If you don't watch TFN, I highly recommend it. Back from this rabbit trail ...

You might be asking yourselves what prompted my reduction in gossip television. After getting engaged last year, I began to sift through bridal magazines and envision how I wanted to look when I walked down the aisle. I bought the wedding dress 9 1/2 months before the wedding, so I didn't have the added pressure of squeezing into a gown, but I still recognized the importance of getting into shape. I purchased a treadmill and a new set of running shoes and went to town. While I'll never run a marathon, I am rather pleased with my progress; I no longer huff and puff after a jog down the street. I also started to cook at home again after a 3 year absence from the kitchen, dramatically decreasing our fast food intake. What does this have to do with the E! Channel? Plenty.

The E! Channel runs hours of shows on celebrity diets, celebrity bodies, celebrity mommies who have a negative body fat percentage, celebrity workout plans, etc. As I watched these shows, I began comparing myself to these women and magnifying my flaws while minimizing my good qualities. I started to have a very negative image about most of myself and would be unhappy with what I saw in the mirror despite knowing that I was healthier than I was 1 year ago. I forgot how delighted my Father is with me and worried that my future husband would find me unattractive. One day the fiance (now husband) pointed out how negative I became every time I watched these shows, and I recognized what I had to do. I didn't think it would make such a difference, but it has. Now I no longer compare myself to photographs of movie stars (which are likely air brushed anyways), and I do a much better job at accepting myself for who I am. I still try to take care of myself, but I no longer hold myself to an unrealistic goal.

Psalm 45:11 says, "The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." Many women can quote Proverbs 31:30 by heart: "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." How precious these verses are! How freeing to know that God sees me as His beautiful creation and that I am lovely in His eyes! I don't have to be a size 2 to please Him. I Samuel 16:7 says, "The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." True beauty is not merely external. I pray that I will spend more time making my heart like His and therefore more beautiful instead of focusing solely on the outside. The reward is immensely sweeter.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

It's a blonde thing

I am the only blonde in my family. Apparently recessive genes are my specialty as I also have blue eyes, very pale skin, and a very short stature. One of my best friends in high school was African-American, and she used to tell me that I was the posterchild for Germany. Oh the love!

In an effort to fit in, I've been adding brown into my hair. One of my friends calls it my "artificial intelligence," and many of my other girlfriends tell me how silly it is that they're adding blonde in while I'm adding in brown. I don't care; I like it! I love dark hair; if I thought I could get away with it, I'd probably dye my entire hair a rich chocolate brown. Of course my husband would come home thinking he'd entered the wrong house, and with the pale skin, I'd probably just look like a goth. It's not a great idea.

This week I have uttered several things that have proved my blonde roots are real. For your enjoyment, I offer them up on my blog.

#1:
Me: That reminds me of that song by the Brian Seltzer Orchestra.
Hubby: You mean the Brian Setzer Orchestra? You just turned him into an antacid.
Me: That's how it's spelled? Really? I didn't know that.

#2:
Me: I wish our friend would hurry up and go to cemetery. Then he'd be in Dallas closer to us!
Hubby: What did you just say? You mean seminary?
Me: Yeah, that's what I said ... Shut up, I'm tired!

#3:
When we were in Dallas, we repeatedly drove by Mockingbird Lane, prompting us to sing the mockingbird song from Dumb and Dumber. Mind you, I've only seen this movie once, so my knowledge of this song extends from hearing the husband and one of my classmates sing it. It's supposed to have 2 people singing with the 2nd person saying "Yeah!" after each syllable.

Mock!
Yeah!
Ing!
Yeah!
Bird!
Yeah!
(and so on ...)

Several times when the husband started the song, it went like this:
Him: Mock!
Me: ING!
Him: No no no ... you're supposed to say, "Yeah!"
Me: Yeah! *giggle* Like that?

I couldn't get it right for the life of me.

Yep, I'm going to hold children's lives in my hands. It's a scary thought.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Answered prayers

We managed to start the week off in paradise (Maui), return home (Houston), and travel to our new home (Dallas). We're up here right now searching for a place to live. Seeing as I'm going to be both leaving my apartment before 5 AM on some mornings and also driving home from the hospital after not sleeping for over 34 hours, we decided that we wanted to live relatively close to the hospital. This was going to present a little bit of a challenge to find a place that met our budget and our specifications in only two days.

We arrived yesterday and drove around for a bit before starting to visit different apartments and condos. We liked the first place we looked at, but it was definitely out of our price range. The next place we visited was definitely within our range, but it was older and pretty run down. The third place was the same story. The fourth was within our price range but kind of small ... yada yada yada. We were getting tired of checking out places but decided to look at one more before returning to our hotel. The last place was recommended to us by someone from another apartment that didn't have any openings, so we weren't really expecting much.

After a short drive in the opposite direction (which made it seem like a long drive), we arrived at the apartment complex. It looked very nice, so I assumed it would be out of our price range. We proceded to talk to a very dry gentleman in the front office, and he quoted us two different prices for two different units. The lower price was a little above our range, but we figured we might as well take a look at the units. We were then passed off to a very bubbly young woman who drove us around in a golfcart and laughed at my husband's jokes (he was immediately impressed with the place after that). When we walked into the first apartment, I thought to myself, "This must be the larger one; I'm sure we can't afford this." Imagine my surprise when she told us she was showing us the smaller one first! I began to get excited; this place had everything I wanted -- a FABULOUS kitchen, lots of closet space, room for a washer and dryer, and lots of wall space in the living room (my place now has NO wall space in the living room, so the couches are very awkwardly placed). I pulled my husband aside (I actually hid in the closet so the girl wouldn't see me) and whispered, "I really like this place!!" She ended up showing us the larger apartment as well, and I actually liked it a little less.

I could tell that we both liked the place, but we wanted some time to pray and to think about it. After we came back to the front office, we were talking with the girl some more, and she took $50 per month off the rent, bringing it a lot closer to our target price. We left, pretty excited and pretty sure that this was the place for which we had been praying. We decided to keep our appointment in the morning with a woman who was showing us 2 properties, but after viewing those this morning, we looked at each other and headed back to our top pick from yesterday. As we were filling out the lease application, we mentioned our reason for moving up here, and the girl filling out the paperwork commented that this would give us a discount. The discount knocked us just under our target price.

GOD IS SO GOOD!! I could not believe it. We totally did not expect to find a place like this, and I know that it's all because of Him. How exciting to see His hand at work yet again in our lives!!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

A Surprise Guest

First off, Maui was amazing. I don't think I could have asked for a better vacation. The entire island is gorgeous, and spending it with my new husband was the best gift I could ever have asked for. I think we must have spent half the trip laughing, and on the plane home on Sunday, I pointed out that he stated "That's one of the funniest things you've ever said" at least half a dozen times over the last week. Apparently marriage makes me a funnier person. I think I'm funnier around him than I am around other people because there's no pressure to be anything; I can just do stupid stuff to make him laugh. If you don't believe me, ask the person next to us on the 59 feeder tonight; I'm sure my dance moves to the Black Eyed Peas looked more like I was having a seizure than it did dancing!

In spite of the fabulous time we had in Maui, I think we were both ready to be home. It was so weird not having to send him back to his place on Sunday night!! Right now our apartment is a giant sea of dirty laundry, half-unpacked suitcases, and boxes. We're still trying to move him in, and my head starts to spin when I contemplate doing this all again in 30 days. My husband is much better at spacial organization than I, so he took it upon himself to help clean up the main living area. We sorted the wedding gifts into 2 piles: 1) to unpack in Houston and 2) to unpack in Dallas. We decided to store the ones we'll unpack later in my attic. The attic in my apartment is only accessible by climbing to the very top of a ladder, sliding off the wooden cover to the attic, and pulling yourself up by your arms. It was obviously not designed for those of us who are vertically-challenged, so we devised a plan for me to climb up into the attic and have him pass me the gifts we wanted to store. I'm not able to turn on the attic light until I've slid off the cover, but that's never been a problem ... until tonight.

I pulled back my hair and climbed up the ladder. When I slid the cover off the entrance, I thought I felt it hit something, but I figured it was probably a box of Christmas lights or something like that. I flipped the light switch as I pulled myself up into the attic, and when I turned around, right on the cover was a dead bird with no head. I pride myself on being rather "tough;" I'm not squeamish about many things. I figure that if I can cut people open (among other things that I'll leave out), I can handle just about anything. I'm not afraid of most animals (onily snakes and very large spiders), so I just gasped and told my husband what I'd found. He didn't seem bothered by it at all, so I tried to be pretty tough and to ignore my visitor. However, the more time I spent up there, the more I realized that this must not be my only guest since the bird was missing its head, and it freaked me out. After a few minutes, I got the hubby to come up to the attic and take the bird out (good thing I married a country boy!), and I was able to stay up there and finish the job of getting the boxes organized. This whole event has spawned so many questions, but I'm trying to shove them to the side and not answer any of them. All I know now is that I am definitely not going into the attic if he is ever out of town on business. I don't know if I could handle what I might find!


On that note, I'm going to try to get some sleep. My body is still on Hawaii time, and it's only 7:45 there. I wish I could be a guy and have no problems falling asleep anywhere and at any time!