Change of heart

I need a better attitude; I know this. I am getting really tired of being an intern. An intern is (rightfully so) the nurse's first contact when anything goes amiss (or potentially amiss) with a patient. High blood pressure? Call the intern. Mom wants an update at 2 AM? Call the intern. Need an order for diaper cream? Call the intern. Somebody else messed up the discharge papers and the patient is going home? You guessed it ... call the intern. The med students look to us with all sorts of probing questions such as, "What are the 50 top causes of a low hemoglobin? Can we discuss them in then 10 minutes before rounds since you must know all of them by heart?" (They mean well; they just forget that we're only 2 years ahead of them and still need to look things up too!) Medical Records loves us when we get behind on our dictations or have 50 charts with orders that need to be signed, so occasionally we have to get lovely reminder emails to take a trip to their office.

Being an intern isn't ALL bad. There are some really great things about it, but it still is physically and mentally exhausting in a completely different way from medical school. When I was in med school, I studied subjects regardless of whether I was interested in them because my grade depended on it. Now it's for my own personal edification (and eventually the care of my patients) that I need to read and learn how to be a good doctor.

I don't like the attitude that I have seen develop in me. I'm tired of being the one who gets called for things, knows what to do, and still has to check in with someone. I am tired of having to deal with the nit-picky details of things that aren't necessarily my fault but still need to be taken care of. I've been back on service for 2 weeks, and the floor I'm on is run slightly differently from previous floors, so it can be frustrating at times trying to figure out a new system this far into my year. I've pretty much felt physically tired for the last 2 weeks adjusting to being back on call. I recognize that I need to stop making that internal groan every time my pager goes off and when I get a page (even if it's unnecessary at 3 AM), I need to smile and thank the person who paged me.

My team is great and I love working with them, so that has made this month a little better than I expected. I have this Saturday off, and our new dining room furniture and couches are supposed to arrive! I can't wait. We're going to hang up our framed pictures, something that I know will make the house feel more like a home. We may even make a run to one of the best stores ever, Home Depot, for ceiling fans and chicken wire (which we have to put at the bottom of the fence before Sebastian gets here). Just two more days of waking up early before I can sleep in past six!! :)