My prayer

This week has been so hard. I get up every morning at 5:30 to be at work by 6:30; my beloved husband is 2 hours behind me and still sleeping for at least an hour after I get to work. I work without a chance to call him until 4ish to 7ish, but even when I get off work, he usually doesn't get off until 8 or 8:30 PM my time. Since I've been up before the sun and will do it again until my first day off next Saturday, I typically fall asleep pretty early while he's just barely finishing dinner. We have spent less time talking this week than we have since we first started dating. It's been difficult. Most of the week, I've just numbed myself to how mentally tired I am and how much I miss talking with people about things other than medicine. Today at work I almost cracked. I heard my husband's voice on the other end of the phone and almost started to cry at the nurses' station with 10 people standing around me. I held it together until I could get home, and God has provided me with much comfort tonight.

I don't understand why things are the way they are, why our schedules have to be so opposite, why God has placed us here. I don't have to understand, and that's comforting. I read the following prayer, and it really spoke to me where I am tonight.

From Francis of Assisi:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

when there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

My goal for this month is not going to be impressing my attending or getting in good with the fellow. My goal is to shine Christ through my words and deeds -- even if that means staying late to cover for someone else, not complaining when I get extra patients, and having a positive outlook when the group around me just wants to complain. I pray that I will find the good in my patients and in their families no matter how much they frustrate me. I have been able to share with patients before that I am a believer and have prayed for them; I am praying that He will open more doors for me to do that as I continue to practice medicine.

I better run ... I think my better half is finally off the airplane. I'll be gone from tomorrow at 6:15 AM until Sunday around 1:15 PM, so I better soak up what time I can tonight.