The last 10 days have stretched me and tested me like I haven't been tested in a long time. It's been a very rough period starting with the pain in my teeth and ending with a heartfelt "thank you" to my precious Father in Heaven.
10 days ago, I woke up in pain from my teeth as explained in my previous post and then worked a 12 hour shift after only sleeping 2 hours in the previous 24. 9 days ago, I was told I needed 4 root canals and would be charged $8000 to get them done. That weekend was filled with tears and questions as I pondered different options and was reminded by a wise advisor that God would provide for all my needs even if I did not immediately see where the financial part would come from. I stuck the next few days out, and the pain, while still present, began to decrease and become more of a constant nagging rather than continual torture.
Even with all of this, I still wasn't getting the message. With the recent flurry of events in my life from getting married to moving to a new city to having everyone at work call me "Doctor" and think I know WAY more than I really do, I'd begun to get pretty self-reliant. I hadn't even realized I was thinking this way; I had slowly begun to think of myself higher than I should and not to lean on God for everything the way He wants me to.
Wednesday night woke me up. I had an event happen at the hospital that terrified me to my very core. Within a few seconds, something happened that could have possibly changed my life. While it would probably turn out to be nothing, its repercussions were potentially deep and far-reaching, so much that I began to question things such as my own mortality and whether I'd be able to bear children one day. This happened two hours into my twelve hour shift, so I had ten more hours to sit up at the hospital and work. Fortunately (or not), it was the busiest night shift I'd seen yet, so I really had no down time to stop and stew. I did break into tears a few times at work, but I managed to hold it together for the most part. As soon as I got home, I collapsed into my husband's arms and sobbed. He held me and prayed over me, and in the middle of his calling out to our Father, I began to feel more at peace. After he left for work, I called my (earthly) father, and he reminded me that in the end, only God could comfort me and help me through this time; he also reminded me that I could use this to be a witness and that Romans 8:28 would always hold true.
After getting off the phone with my dad, I headed to my new dentist. They agreed to see me a day early since I was still in constant pain, so I was extremely thankful for that. However, I didn't get seen for over an hour after my appointment time because I was on the phone trying to work out details with my new insurance company that they had already promised were worked out; the office finally agreed to see me even though the details STILL aren't worked out. When the dentist finally saw me, I told her that I'd been told I needed 4 root canals; she said she didn't think that was necessary and wanted to try simply filing down the fillings because they'd been filled too high. Basically, the high fillings were smacking into each other every time I close my jaw, and this was causing the pain and inflammation that were keeping me up. I let her give it a shot, and within an hour and a half, I was eating again with no pain. Even now, 3 days later, I can still feel that the right side of my mouth is a little sensitive, but that is it -- no more pain waking me up, no more inability to chew, and (best of all) NO ROOT CANALS!! I was so so so so thankful to God that He spared me 4 root canals for the time being and the $8000!!
I went home from the dentist on Thursday and tried to rest. I got 2 hours of sleep again before having to go back to work my last night shift this month. Thursday night was hard, but I made it through without any major difficulties. I came home and CRASHED. I didn't eat breakfast but instead headed straight for the shower. After I got out, I fell asleep on the couch from 8 AM to 4 PM; I didn't even wake up when the phone rang! I woke up feeling better than I had in days, and shortly after waking up, I got the news that all the tests they'd run as a result of Wednesday night's incident had come back negative. I was so happy that I almost cried!
The point of all of this? In church this morning, we sang the hymn, "It Is Well With My Soul." As I sang, I recognized that in the middle of everything that happened this week, it was not well with my soul. I was not at peace. I was not accepting that my life is not my own, that I've been bought with a price. I've been living like I'm the one in charge, but in reality I've never been holding the reins. God is the one who is in control, and I'm ready to live that out actively. I'm so thankful that He has gotten my attention before it was too late.
No comments:
Post a Comment