What is this, a new blog entry? I promise that I've been alive. My blog has been sorely neglected for the last (almost) 3 months, but hopefully this will change soon. My life became an insane whirlwind of activity, but things are slowly starting to settle down into a routine. Rather than give excuses, I'll give a quick recap of the last 3 months.
May - I survived the NICU. I had 2 fabulous co-senior residents that month, and I don't know how I could have done it without them! My worst dark cloud ever followed me closely that month. When I started the rotation, I had called the medical examiner to notify him of a death only once during residency; by the end of the month, I had done it an additional three times. I saw things I never want to see again and cried more than I hope to do for a long time. Again, I am beyond thankful for the doctors, nurses, respiratory therapist, dietitians, techs, and all other people that God calls to work in the ICU setting; they truly are special people!
June - I was GI senior and spent the last week of my residency with brand new interns. They actually did a great job, and the month wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, but 4 service sub-specialty call almost handed my bootie to me a few times. I'm glad my former program is doing away with that because it's just too much work for one senior to adequately cover that many sick kids. I also turned 28, and Hubby and I had a wonderful dinner together to celebrate. He got me the new iPhone plus a new Tiffany necklace; I felt so spoiled!! :)
I finished residency at 4 PM on June 30th and almost danced out of the hospital! I'd already shed my tears several times as I'd said my goodbyes, so the actual leaving of the hospital for the last time wasn't nearly as emotional as I had thought it would be.
July - I slept in for one day, and then Hubby and I left for Paris on the 2nd! We were gone for a whole week, and it was amazing. I posted most of our pictures onto Facebook, so I won't go through the trouble of posting all 480 of them back onto Blogger. (I figure that if you're reading my blog, you're likely already my friend on Facebook. If not, give me a holler!) We ate like kings, saw so many amazing museums, and just generally had a great time not thinking about work and just experiencing the country.
I had about a week to relax after we returned, and then I started my new job. I LOVE IT!! I'm the second pediatrician in a practice, and even though it's only been a week, I am already so happy here. My entire staff is wonderful and have been such a big help to me as I'm getting used to things out here, and the physician who hired me as been fabulous to me. Seriously, there are moments where I can't believe that this is my life! The only thing I don't like about the job actually has nothing to do with the job; it's my 45 minute commute each way. Hubby and I are still trying to sell the house, and as soon as we do, we'll move much closer to my job.
All in all, life is great.
Showing posts with label residency. Show all posts
Showing posts with label residency. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Stepping up to the plate
In the last 60 hours since our new block started, I have spent 40 of those in the NICU. I've been to quite a few deliveries. Most of them have ended up very happy. One did not. I'm still mentally grappling with the things I've seen in the last two and a half days, and I doubt certain mental images will ever leave my mind. I keep talking with my co-workers about it because I don't know how else to process everything, and unless you've been right there, understanding the emotions and hearing the guttural cries of someone just given devastating news can be challenging. Even when you know there is nothing else you or anyone else could have done to change the outcome, watching someone suffer such a great loss is heart wrenching. I cried both at work and after work on Monday, and I've actually cried again today. I honestly hope that I never lose that sensitive side, and I doubt I ever will.
I am so thankful to those people that God has called to work in intensive care settings because I am definitely not one of them. I'm a relationship-oriented person which is a huge part of why I love working in a clinic; I get to form relationships with families and partner with them to take care of their children. I have less than 80 days til I start my new job, and I am so excited that words fail me when I try to explain!
I came home after my 29 hour call (yay for friends who let me leave an hour early) and crashed for a glorious 4 hour nap. I'm now waiting for Hubby to get home. He'll give me a big hug, and I know I'll start to feel a little better. Then he'll take me to get food, and since we all know how much I love food (both to make it and to eat it), I know that will help too. He'll make me laugh, and humor (even when it is dark humor at times) is a necessity to make it through the hard times.
A friend of mine told me about a sign posted in the ICU where she did med school that asked the families not to be offended if they saw providers laughing; it doesn't mean we don't care -- it is simply a coping mechanism for us to continue to keep hope and be able to come back to face another day of the battle against death and disease. Sometimes laughing is the only way not to cry, and there is definitely a time and place for both. I've had my tears today; now it's time to let my sweetheart make me smile.
Soon I will be able to go back to bed and sleep (the very opposite of what I did last night on call). I know tomorrow will look brighter, and I am looking forward to another day of helping people even if it's outside my comfort zone. May God give me strength when I am weak and words of peace for others in their troubles.
I am so thankful to those people that God has called to work in intensive care settings because I am definitely not one of them. I'm a relationship-oriented person which is a huge part of why I love working in a clinic; I get to form relationships with families and partner with them to take care of their children. I have less than 80 days til I start my new job, and I am so excited that words fail me when I try to explain!
I came home after my 29 hour call (yay for friends who let me leave an hour early) and crashed for a glorious 4 hour nap. I'm now waiting for Hubby to get home. He'll give me a big hug, and I know I'll start to feel a little better. Then he'll take me to get food, and since we all know how much I love food (both to make it and to eat it), I know that will help too. He'll make me laugh, and humor (even when it is dark humor at times) is a necessity to make it through the hard times.
A friend of mine told me about a sign posted in the ICU where she did med school that asked the families not to be offended if they saw providers laughing; it doesn't mean we don't care -- it is simply a coping mechanism for us to continue to keep hope and be able to come back to face another day of the battle against death and disease. Sometimes laughing is the only way not to cry, and there is definitely a time and place for both. I've had my tears today; now it's time to let my sweetheart make me smile.
Soon I will be able to go back to bed and sleep (the very opposite of what I did last night on call). I know tomorrow will look brighter, and I am looking forward to another day of helping people even if it's outside my comfort zone. May God give me strength when I am weak and words of peace for others in their troubles.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Slacker
It's 1:30 PM, and I'm still in my pajamas. I worked in the ER til 2:30 this morning, so I don't feel so bad about my choice of clothing at the moment especially since I'll be back in the ER at 6 tonight. I know I need to update my blog, but I have been a slacker. I don't have a really great excuse; it just seems that every time I try to put my thoughts down lately, the words don't convey the depth of the experience.
To sum up the last 2 weeks in tidbits:
To sum up the last 2 weeks in tidbits:
- I really love my husband. We drive each other nuts sometimes, but I love that man so much!!
- My experiments in the kitchen have been exceptionally tasty recently. I've made a ton of chocolate chip cookies, one delicious pot roast (thank you, Barefoot Contessa!), several yummy spaghetti dishes with extra veggies, a yummy butter cake, two batches of java-streusel banana muffins, mango sorbet for the hubby, and a batch of vanilla bean ice cream. I've given most of the food away which is why I haven't gained 50 pounds.
- Swine flu is not my friend right now. Neither are the 300 parents crowding the ER wanting their perfectly healthy kids tested for the swine flu.
- I think we've figured out where we want to move. As soon as our house sells, we'll re-examine the area to see what houses are available, but it's nice to have an idea of where we want to end up.
- On the other hand, I really dread packing this house and finding a moving company!
- Speaking of other hands, I already bought my birthday present even though my birthday is six weeks away. Hubby is taking me to see Fiddler on the Roof when the production comes through Dallas in May. I am SO excited!! I loved that movie when I was little and can still sing all the songs from the musical.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Roller coaster ride
The last week has been quite a roller coaster ride. On more than one day, I cared for patients who have been the victim of child abuse. I actually started to cry in the ER after one particularly emotional case, and I had to sneak out for a few minutes til the tears stopped and I could compose myself. I hate that these kids are suffering, but I love helping them. I held one for a while during one of my shifts and whispered to this little one that they are loved. Who knows if this child had ever heard that before? The very thought broke my heart.
In stark contrast to those awful experiences, yesterday held an amazing moment for me where I sat down with a family and talked over a diagnosis that I correctly identified after two other outside physicians had missed it. I loved being able to provide reassurance to these parents, and 15 minutes after we started talking, the mom thanked me and proclaimed, "I feel 100% better; I think I'll actually be able to sleep tonight." When I left their room for the last time, I felt a serious sense of accomplishment. While I was proud that my knowledge base had expanded enough that I knew the correct diagnosis, I was even more thrilled that I had been able to connect with these parents and relieve their anxiety. They trusted me, and as I was talking with them, I realized just how much I love this part of my job!
I have been given a huge responsibility and a huge gift at the same time. What a thrill!
In stark contrast to those awful experiences, yesterday held an amazing moment for me where I sat down with a family and talked over a diagnosis that I correctly identified after two other outside physicians had missed it. I loved being able to provide reassurance to these parents, and 15 minutes after we started talking, the mom thanked me and proclaimed, "I feel 100% better; I think I'll actually be able to sleep tonight." When I left their room for the last time, I felt a serious sense of accomplishment. While I was proud that my knowledge base had expanded enough that I knew the correct diagnosis, I was even more thrilled that I had been able to connect with these parents and relieve their anxiety. They trusted me, and as I was talking with them, I realized just how much I love this part of my job!
I have been given a huge responsibility and a huge gift at the same time. What a thrill!
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
I love pediatrics
Today I saw five patients in my weekly continuity clinic; 2 of them were my personal patients that I have followed since birth. Both of them turn 2 next month, and I cannot believe how big they have gotten. I adore both of these babies, and I love knowing that I have made at least a little bit of difference in these children's lives. I've been starting to let patients know that I'll be leaving at the end of June, and it has been so touching to have these families tell me that they don't want me to go!
I love watching my patients grow up in front of my eyes. I love meeting new families and establishing relationships. I love being able to teach a new mommy something wonderful about her baby. I love holding a newborn in my arms and feeling their little bodies snuggle down. While I obviously can't fix everything, I love the opportunity to talk to these families about important topics like obesity and diabetes before it's too late.
Three years ago, I wondered if I'd made the right decision when I chose pediatrics. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is where I am supposed to be.
I love watching my patients grow up in front of my eyes. I love meeting new families and establishing relationships. I love being able to teach a new mommy something wonderful about her baby. I love holding a newborn in my arms and feeling their little bodies snuggle down. While I obviously can't fix everything, I love the opportunity to talk to these families about important topics like obesity and diabetes before it's too late.
Three years ago, I wondered if I'd made the right decision when I chose pediatrics. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is where I am supposed to be.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Apparently I'm wise ...
There have been two times in the last two weeks that I've been told I'm either very wise or very smart for stating things that seem very common sense to me. The first time, the front desk staff at an office where I was interviewing kept apologizing because the physician who was interviewing me was running fifteen minutes late. Fifteen minutes late in the middle of flu season is NOT bad at all! I made the comment that anyone who didn't understand running a little behind in the dead of winter probably doesn't belong in pediatrics. That statement got me big points.
Today I was talking with two medical students, one of whom is recently married and the other who is in a long term relationship. I mentioned that Hubby and I have a rule that we do not argue on an empty stomach, and that if either of us hasn't eaten, we postpone the "discussion" until at least part way through the meal. That rule has saved us SO many fights! Both of us can be quite cranky when we're hungry, so taking that factor out of the equation has made navigating the differences we have much easier. Both of them looked at me like I was a genius, and the male student said that he was going to talk to his girlfriend that night about implementing that rule.
Maybe I should look into Mensa.
Today I was talking with two medical students, one of whom is recently married and the other who is in a long term relationship. I mentioned that Hubby and I have a rule that we do not argue on an empty stomach, and that if either of us hasn't eaten, we postpone the "discussion" until at least part way through the meal. That rule has saved us SO many fights! Both of us can be quite cranky when we're hungry, so taking that factor out of the equation has made navigating the differences we have much easier. Both of them looked at me like I was a genius, and the male student said that he was going to talk to his girlfriend that night about implementing that rule.
Maybe I should look into Mensa.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Growing pains
This has been a rough two days. I finish residency in less than six months, and I don't have a job yet. To my knowledge, none of us in my class who want to go into private practice do, so I don't feel too bad, but I'm still scared. When I get scared, I tend to do one of two things: go into overdrive or freeze. When it comes to finding a job, I've been frozen in my tracks. I haven't had much guidance in the process, so I have drug my feet along. Over the last twenty seven years, I've gotten really good at applications for school and for residency, but again with each of those, I had a more clear direction on where to move. Here, I feel like I'm standing on the edge of the high dive on a cloudy night, waiting to dive headfirst into the dark waters below. I don't know what lies beneath, and it frightens me.
So why have the last two days been rough? I went to a gen peds interest meeting last night and talked to former residents who are now in private practice. Seeing them with their "real" jobs made me realize how scared I am that I won't find one. I know that I can get "a" job, but I want "the" job. I went home and emailed a few contacts that I'd been dawdling over and two new contacts that I had obtained, but still my mind kept racing. I tried for a few hours to fall asleep, but I was gripped with anxiety like I haven't felt since college. Anyone who knew me then will likely remember how uptight I was, but not all of them knew that I lived with a constant knot in my stomach. Many times I couldn't even verbalize why I was so anxious, but the constant worry of things to come clouded so many of my days.
I fell asleep last night with prayers on my lips and woke early this morning to find comfort in His Word. I am not a morning person, so for me to be fully awake and functional enough to have a quiet time that early was amazing. Later today I made a cold call to a practice that I really really liked and hoped would have an opening; the fact that I could even cold call an office, let alone this one, amazed me because I hate doing any sort of asking for my own needs. To my disappointment, I was told that they would like to hire another pediatrician but just don't have the funding for it right now to help me establish my practice.
I hung up the phone, crestfallen. This practice appears to have everything I want -- great physicians, great office staff, great location, great call schedule; I began to wonder if I would ever find another practice that I liked as much as I like this one now -- or any practice at all that would take me. I texted Hubby to ask him to pray for me as I could feel myself growing anxious again, and I know my sweet Heavenly Father provided comfort for me as I drove home.
As I spent time working out, I began to realize that while I have been praying "Your will be done," my evil, selfish flesh is wishing for "MY will be done." It's my will that I join this practice, but unless God is the master of it, the entire experience will be a disaster. He has never provided anything less than the best for me, so why should I doubt Him now in this area of my life?
I'm not saying that the next few months will be easy or comfortable for me -- NOT AT ALL! I have a telephone interview with someone tomorrow, and we will have to see what opportunities come from that. God already knows where I will be in six or seven months, so until He reveals it to me, I will do my best to rest in His peace and hold on to the words of Philippians 4:6-7:
So why have the last two days been rough? I went to a gen peds interest meeting last night and talked to former residents who are now in private practice. Seeing them with their "real" jobs made me realize how scared I am that I won't find one. I know that I can get "a" job, but I want "the" job. I went home and emailed a few contacts that I'd been dawdling over and two new contacts that I had obtained, but still my mind kept racing. I tried for a few hours to fall asleep, but I was gripped with anxiety like I haven't felt since college. Anyone who knew me then will likely remember how uptight I was, but not all of them knew that I lived with a constant knot in my stomach. Many times I couldn't even verbalize why I was so anxious, but the constant worry of things to come clouded so many of my days.
I fell asleep last night with prayers on my lips and woke early this morning to find comfort in His Word. I am not a morning person, so for me to be fully awake and functional enough to have a quiet time that early was amazing. Later today I made a cold call to a practice that I really really liked and hoped would have an opening; the fact that I could even cold call an office, let alone this one, amazed me because I hate doing any sort of asking for my own needs. To my disappointment, I was told that they would like to hire another pediatrician but just don't have the funding for it right now to help me establish my practice.
I hung up the phone, crestfallen. This practice appears to have everything I want -- great physicians, great office staff, great location, great call schedule; I began to wonder if I would ever find another practice that I liked as much as I like this one now -- or any practice at all that would take me. I texted Hubby to ask him to pray for me as I could feel myself growing anxious again, and I know my sweet Heavenly Father provided comfort for me as I drove home.
As I spent time working out, I began to realize that while I have been praying "Your will be done," my evil, selfish flesh is wishing for "MY will be done." It's my will that I join this practice, but unless God is the master of it, the entire experience will be a disaster. He has never provided anything less than the best for me, so why should I doubt Him now in this area of my life?
I'm not saying that the next few months will be easy or comfortable for me -- NOT AT ALL! I have a telephone interview with someone tomorrow, and we will have to see what opportunities come from that. God already knows where I will be in six or seven months, so until He reveals it to me, I will do my best to rest in His peace and hold on to the words of Philippians 4:6-7:
6 Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.
7 And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. -- Amplified Bible
I love it!! I just got Jon Foreman's CD Limbs and Branches, and the first song on the CD speaks to me where I am now. Sometimes hearing familiar Scriptures in a new way makes them so fresh and so alive.
Heavenly Father, You always amaze me
Let Your kingdom come in my world and in my life
You give me the food I need to live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive the people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation; deliver me from the evil oneI look out the window; the birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune or out of place
I look at the meadow and stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl on her wedding daySo why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need
Chorus (3x):
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strongThe kingdom of the heavens is now advancing
Invade my heart; invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself to buy the one you've found?
Two things You told me: that You are strong and You love me
Yes, You love me(Chorus 3x)
Our God in heaven, hallowed be Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread; forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices and deliver us from these prisons
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Tear
I started as senior on a new service on Monday. Last night was my first overnight call; I have five more left of these occurring once every 4 days (with the exception of 5 days off for Christmas), and after 31 hours at the hospital, I'm tired. Despite all the frustrations that occurred, I had a touching experience last night that reminded me yet again why I love kids so much.
Early in the evening, I did an admission on a patient that I hadn't seen since my intern year. I remembered that this patient's mother passed away about 3 weeks prior to our initial meeting, and I knew that Granny was now the primary caretaker. I re-introduced myself to the family including my patient's younger sibling that I had not met previously, and soon the family had me cracking up laughing over how hilarious the kids are. The younger child (who I'm guessing was around age 4 or 5) wanted to be the center of attention and asked me to do an exam with my stethoscope, so since I had a few extra minutes, I complied. As I placed my stethoscope on the sibling's chest, I explained that I was listening to the heart. The sibling looked up at me with beautiful, trusting eyes, and matter-of-factly informed me, "That's where my mommy is."
A lump caught in my throat as I looked up at Granny. She smiled at both of us, and I'm pretty sure she had tears in her eyes. This sweet child exuded such innocence and love; I couldn't resist giving out a hug before I left the room!
Early in the evening, I did an admission on a patient that I hadn't seen since my intern year. I remembered that this patient's mother passed away about 3 weeks prior to our initial meeting, and I knew that Granny was now the primary caretaker. I re-introduced myself to the family including my patient's younger sibling that I had not met previously, and soon the family had me cracking up laughing over how hilarious the kids are. The younger child (who I'm guessing was around age 4 or 5) wanted to be the center of attention and asked me to do an exam with my stethoscope, so since I had a few extra minutes, I complied. As I placed my stethoscope on the sibling's chest, I explained that I was listening to the heart. The sibling looked up at me with beautiful, trusting eyes, and matter-of-factly informed me, "That's where my mommy is."
A lump caught in my throat as I looked up at Granny. She smiled at both of us, and I'm pretty sure she had tears in her eyes. This sweet child exuded such innocence and love; I couldn't resist giving out a hug before I left the room!
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Panic at the testing center
I'm in the middle of applying for my license to practice medicine in Texas. I already have my provisional license to practice as a resident, but now it's time to get the full meal deal. My wallet is over in the corner crying again as it has already cost me over $1000 so far, but it will be worth it in the end. Among the many hoops through which I have to jump is taking the medical jurisprudence exam. It's 50 questions in 90 minutes, and we can only miss 12 to pass. I studied for it a little during PICU night float over the last 2 weeks, but since I didn't really have enough time, I devoted the first day of my vacation (Monday) to hitting the books. By the time I left to take the test Tuesday morning, I felt decent about the test and just wanted to get it over!
The testing center was about 30 minutes away from our house, so I left at 7 AM to make sure I had plenty of time to sign in before the 8 AM exam. In order to take the test, I needed to show my scheduling permit from the board as well as two forms of ID that both had my signature. As I was sitting in the waiting area getting ready to check in, I peeked into my purse again. Permit? Check. Driver's license? Check. Passport? Check. Since I recently got my passport with my new name and photo back in the mail, I decided to look again and the picture and see how much it didn't look like me.
To my horror, the face in the picture looked like me ... nine years ago. I had grabbed the wrong passport! My old passport has my maiden name on it, and since my new IDs don't include that name, I knew I couldn't use the passport to prove my identity. I frantically began to look through my wallet, and to my dismay, not a single credit card was signed. As fate would have it, I only had a pencil in my purse, so I couldn't even sign a card. I could not believe this was happening to me, little Mrs. Prepared!
I began to pray for anything that would help me out. A few minutes later, I noticed that the man sitting next to me was holding an electrical book and possibly looked like some kind of engineer. I asked if he happened to have a pen I could borrow, and by a miracle, he did! I quickly signed the back of my debit card that has my photo on it and profusely thanked him. Five minutes later, I was called to the front and signed in with no trouble!
I was a little worried about the effects of the morning on my exam, but I had nothing to worry about. I passed with flying colors. I've jumped yet another hurdle in my path towards practicing on my own! Now my vacation can really begin.
The testing center was about 30 minutes away from our house, so I left at 7 AM to make sure I had plenty of time to sign in before the 8 AM exam. In order to take the test, I needed to show my scheduling permit from the board as well as two forms of ID that both had my signature. As I was sitting in the waiting area getting ready to check in, I peeked into my purse again. Permit? Check. Driver's license? Check. Passport? Check. Since I recently got my passport with my new name and photo back in the mail, I decided to look again and the picture and see how much it didn't look like me.
To my horror, the face in the picture looked like me ... nine years ago. I had grabbed the wrong passport! My old passport has my maiden name on it, and since my new IDs don't include that name, I knew I couldn't use the passport to prove my identity. I frantically began to look through my wallet, and to my dismay, not a single credit card was signed. As fate would have it, I only had a pencil in my purse, so I couldn't even sign a card. I could not believe this was happening to me, little Mrs. Prepared!
I began to pray for anything that would help me out. A few minutes later, I noticed that the man sitting next to me was holding an electrical book and possibly looked like some kind of engineer. I asked if he happened to have a pen I could borrow, and by a miracle, he did! I quickly signed the back of my debit card that has my photo on it and profusely thanked him. Five minutes later, I was called to the front and signed in with no trouble!
I was a little worried about the effects of the morning on my exam, but I had nothing to worry about. I passed with flying colors. I've jumped yet another hurdle in my path towards practicing on my own! Now my vacation can really begin.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Sleepwalking
I'm on PICU nights right now. I hate it. I work 7 PM to 9 AM Sunday through Thursday nights for 2 weeks in a row (except that on Sundays I come in at 5 PM). It gives me the required 10 hours off between shifts, but I think it's safe to say that not a one of us thinks 10 hours is enough especially when you work 5 shifts in a row. It's only two weeks, but it's already been a LONG week plus a day. Last night I had parents of a very sick child get angry because of things that happened before I even came to work, and they took it out on all of us. I understand people react differently when they are scared, but to this non-confrontational person, having someone cursing at me and insulting both me and my hospital was very unsettling. To top it off, I'm going 48 hours or so without seeing my husband; this may not sound like a long time given how much time we used to spend apart, but now that I've gotten used to having him around every day, it's awful to go for 2 days without seeing him. :(
Six shifts down ... four to go. Let the countdown commence. I finish Friday around 9 AM, and then I start a 10 day vacation!! My plans include decorating for Christmas, finishing up my shopping (almost done!), and sleeping. Since I'm working Thanksgiving night, I'm making our own Thanksgiving meal on Saturday; the full menu hasn't been planed, but it will definitely include my famous brined and roasted turkey! I seriously cannot wait.
Six shifts down ... four to go. Let the countdown commence. I finish Friday around 9 AM, and then I start a 10 day vacation!! My plans include decorating for Christmas, finishing up my shopping (almost done!), and sleeping. Since I'm working Thanksgiving night, I'm making our own Thanksgiving meal on Saturday; the full menu hasn't been planed, but it will definitely include my famous brined and roasted turkey! I seriously cannot wait.
Monday, November 10, 2008
The bubbly ...
I hate tapping big kids. By tapping, I mean performing a lumbar puncture on them. By big kids, I mean anybody over twelve months. This weekend, I took a hellacious PICU call (thirty hours with no sleep thanks to one child who kept me baffled all of Saturday night and most of Sunday morning). During the day, we admitted a teenager who presented with some very abnormal neurologic symptoms, and the decision was made to do an LP. Since I was not on the admitting team and was just helping out another resident, I stood by and watched as she attempted the tap. She was very confident and did a great job, but for some reason, she didn't get CSF. I was so not thrilled about trying for it; feeling for landmarks on a well-nourished 16 year old female is so much harder than feeling for them on a skinny two month old! I said a quick prayer, marked my spot, and went for it. With a few adjusts of the needle, I suddenly had CSF ... clear, beautiful CSF pouring into my vials. We measured an opening pressure, collected our precious samples, and quickly wrapped up.
A few hours later, we were running labs and vitals. Lo and behold, I had a champagne tap. :)
I needed that.
A few hours later, we were running labs and vitals. Lo and behold, I had a champagne tap. :)
I needed that.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Lack of sleep leads to random thoughts
Cardiology has been a pretty good rotation so far. While my call last Friday was way worse than my PICU calls, the day-to-day work has been easier. My interns are awesome, and I have even had great interns working with me when I'm covering other services! I had another long day at work today but at least got to see some REALLY cute kids in my clinic. I've worked 113 hours in the last ten days and will hopefully only work about 23 more over the next two before getting Saturday and Sunday off (isn't that sad that I just used the word "only" when describing that)?
I couldn't stop yawning while I was talking with my mom on my way home. She even asked if I thought I could make it home without falling asleep! I took an accidental nap on the bed with Sebastian sprawled across my shoulder, and when I woke up, I realized just how hungry I was. I grabbed a handful of ranch-flavored Goldfish crackers to tide me over, and I must have wiped my hand on my pants or something because Sebastian is going NUTS. He keeps trying to lick my pant leg and the spot on the bed where I put my hand down. It's hilarious!
I found out as I was walking out to my car today that another patient with whose care I was very involved passed away yesterday. That's three kids in four days. I didn't expect pediatrics to be this hard.
Hubby and I did some serious shopping this weekend. Several months ago, I lost the mixing blade to our breadmaker, so it's been out of use as I was having trouble finding a replacement part. This weekend I found the entire breadmaker on sale for only several dollars more than the blade alone by the time I factored in tax and shipping. Hopefully I will have time to bake bread again this weekend!!
I'm taking a big step by putting my blog address on my Facebook page. This blog has been a haven for my ramblings and is read by a couple close friends but more by people I wish I knew better (and maybe a few random people as well). I don't really know why I'm motivated to do this. It reminds me of something a friend once told me in medical school: "People just want to be known." Maybe that's part of it; I have a huge shy side (the loud side really is just a big act!), and I often feel like I have to put on a certain face depending where I am. I desire authenticity; I just want to be real.
I couldn't stop yawning while I was talking with my mom on my way home. She even asked if I thought I could make it home without falling asleep! I took an accidental nap on the bed with Sebastian sprawled across my shoulder, and when I woke up, I realized just how hungry I was. I grabbed a handful of ranch-flavored Goldfish crackers to tide me over, and I must have wiped my hand on my pants or something because Sebastian is going NUTS. He keeps trying to lick my pant leg and the spot on the bed where I put my hand down. It's hilarious!
I found out as I was walking out to my car today that another patient with whose care I was very involved passed away yesterday. That's three kids in four days. I didn't expect pediatrics to be this hard.
Hubby and I did some serious shopping this weekend. Several months ago, I lost the mixing blade to our breadmaker, so it's been out of use as I was having trouble finding a replacement part. This weekend I found the entire breadmaker on sale for only several dollars more than the blade alone by the time I factored in tax and shipping. Hopefully I will have time to bake bread again this weekend!!
I'm taking a big step by putting my blog address on my Facebook page. This blog has been a haven for my ramblings and is read by a couple close friends but more by people I wish I knew better (and maybe a few random people as well). I don't really know why I'm motivated to do this. It reminds me of something a friend once told me in medical school: "People just want to be known." Maybe that's part of it; I have a huge shy side (the loud side really is just a big act!), and I often feel like I have to put on a certain face depending where I am. I desire authenticity; I just want to be real.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Untitled #2
I hadn't seen him in nine days.
I hadn't checked up on him through the computer in three days. The last time I looked, he was getting better and moving closer to going home.
I found out this morning that he had suddenly gotten worse through another resident who didn't know him but had helped move him to the ICU.
I learned an hour and a half later that he had already left this world and was with his Creator.
Ten minutes after my discovery, I was holding his mom in my arms and whispering, "I'm so sorry."
Fifteen minutes after that, I was weeping in the stairwell.
Ten hours later, I'm still praying for his sweet family.
I'm hoping that it will stop hurting in a few days, but I doubt it will. I mourn his passing but rejoice for his healing; he will never need my help again.
I hadn't checked up on him through the computer in three days. The last time I looked, he was getting better and moving closer to going home.
I found out this morning that he had suddenly gotten worse through another resident who didn't know him but had helped move him to the ICU.
I learned an hour and a half later that he had already left this world and was with his Creator.
Ten minutes after my discovery, I was holding his mom in my arms and whispering, "I'm so sorry."
Fifteen minutes after that, I was weeping in the stairwell.
Ten hours later, I'm still praying for his sweet family.
I'm hoping that it will stop hurting in a few days, but I doubt it will. I mourn his passing but rejoice for his healing; he will never need my help again.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Sweet sleep
Today was my first day off after working twelve straight days. I figured out I worked 140+ hours in those last twelve days, and sleeping in until 7:30 was such a treat this morning. Hubby and I cleaned the house this morning, I had my hair appointment at noon, and tonight I had dinner with one of my best friends from college who is now a vet back in Houston. It was a totally awesome day!! Tomorrow I get to attend church (a much enjoyed rarity!), and later we're having dinner with our pastor's family and a few other families who live near us. This weekend is breathing life into my exhausted soul.
Monday morning I start a new 4 week block; this time around, I'll be the senior on the cardiology service. It will hopefully be a little less intense than the PICU, and I already know most of the members of my new team and am really looking forward to working with them! I'll still work twelve days on/ two off for the 28 days I'm there; I already have a massage scheduled for the day after the block ends.
Right now Hubby and Sebastian are both sleeping away, and I'll soon be joining them. I love knowing that my alarm won't be going off at 5:15 tomorrow and that Hubby and I will get to spend quality time together where I'm not falling asleep in the middle of our conversations. Everyone needs a little break now and then, and I'm no exception.
Monday morning I start a new 4 week block; this time around, I'll be the senior on the cardiology service. It will hopefully be a little less intense than the PICU, and I already know most of the members of my new team and am really looking forward to working with them! I'll still work twelve days on/ two off for the 28 days I'm there; I already have a massage scheduled for the day after the block ends.
Right now Hubby and Sebastian are both sleeping away, and I'll soon be joining them. I love knowing that my alarm won't be going off at 5:15 tomorrow and that Hubby and I will get to spend quality time together where I'm not falling asleep in the middle of our conversations. Everyone needs a little break now and then, and I'm no exception.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Rainy day
No profound thoughts on this post ... I'm on the 12th floor again today, and it's raining so hard outside that I can't see anything but gray outside the window. I only slept about 2 hours on call Saturday night/ Sunday morning and then dozed on and off for about 4 more hours Sunday afternoon, so I could really use another good sleep to get caught up.
Hubby and I went to see his mom yesterday. Seeing her was fun, and it was even better to have the time to hang out with Hubby. Even though I slept most of the way there and back, just being together was great. I have really enjoyed having him back in town! I have loved cooking dinner for 2 at night and having someone there to laugh at the little things with me. This is the start of the 3rd week in a row that he's been in town, and I am loving every minute.
Alrighty, time to get back to work ... it never ends here in the PICU!
Hubby and I went to see his mom yesterday. Seeing her was fun, and it was even better to have the time to hang out with Hubby. Even though I slept most of the way there and back, just being together was great. I have really enjoyed having him back in town! I have loved cooking dinner for 2 at night and having someone there to laugh at the little things with me. This is the start of the 3rd week in a row that he's been in town, and I am loving every minute.
Alrighty, time to get back to work ... it never ends here in the PICU!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Miracles still happen
As I've said before, being a physician has strengthened my faith in God and pushed my faith to new limits like no other experience in my life. The intricacies of the human body remind me daily of how fearfully and wonderfully made we are, and I constantly marvel at His handiwork.
The last few weeks in the PICU have reminded me of that so much. We have had many sick patients who have not done as well as we have hoped, but we also have one patient in particular who has overcome incredible odds and is doing so much better than we could have ever predicted. Many people including me as well as many of the nurses and other providers have been praying for this patient diligently, and it's so incredible to see God working and restoring health in front of my very eyes.
Being able to participate in this patient's care has been such an honor. A family member thanked me today for all the work the team has done for this patient, and I was reminded of what I told this patient's mother (a fellow believer) a few days ago: "You know why [this patient] is doing so well, and so do I. God is the one who is healing."
I pray for my patients often, and I want to be more consistent at it. Doing so is a reminder of where my place is and what my role is, and I don't want to allow myself to get so easily caught up in the day to day rush of residency that I can sometimes forget that praying is one of the most important things I can do for my patients. I am simply a tool in the Master's hands, and my earnest hope is that He will use me as He sees fit to bring comfort, healing, or both to many families according to His plan. My post from almost a year ago still rings true in my heart.
The last few weeks in the PICU have reminded me of that so much. We have had many sick patients who have not done as well as we have hoped, but we also have one patient in particular who has overcome incredible odds and is doing so much better than we could have ever predicted. Many people including me as well as many of the nurses and other providers have been praying for this patient diligently, and it's so incredible to see God working and restoring health in front of my very eyes.
Being able to participate in this patient's care has been such an honor. A family member thanked me today for all the work the team has done for this patient, and I was reminded of what I told this patient's mother (a fellow believer) a few days ago: "You know why [this patient] is doing so well, and so do I. God is the one who is healing."
I pray for my patients often, and I want to be more consistent at it. Doing so is a reminder of where my place is and what my role is, and I don't want to allow myself to get so easily caught up in the day to day rush of residency that I can sometimes forget that praying is one of the most important things I can do for my patients. I am simply a tool in the Master's hands, and my earnest hope is that He will use me as He sees fit to bring comfort, healing, or both to many families according to His plan. My post from almost a year ago still rings true in my heart.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Numbers
I have worked 106 hours in 9 days. I still have 3 to go before I have a day off. I have lost 1 patient but helped many more. I have dreamed about the PICU 4 times since I started this rotation last week.
I am tired.
I am tired.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Definitely back
I'm definitely back in the PICU. This time around, I feel that some of the kids I'm taking care of are even sicker than the ones I had last year. One of my patients is on both ECMO and CVVH and is hanging in the balance, so I have had a crash course in both of these over the last two days. Both of these are largely run by the fellows and attendings, but I'm doing my best to keep up with what's going on. I spent thirteen hours in the PICU yesterday and another seven and a half today plus an additional four in clinic; I'm tired of being at the hospital! I have another thirteen to fourteen tomorrow and at least ten on Thursday, and then I'll be there thirty hours straight Friday through Saturday. I will work again Sunday through Friday (no more overnight call during that period though) and then will have two glorious days in a row off. :)
Being the most senior resident on the team has been a very interesting experience. I have a sub-intern (4th year medical student) on the team, two second year residents, and one second year outside rotator, and since none of them have been in the PICU before Monday, they have been looking to me for guidance. I've actually surprised myself at times when I give answers I didn't even know that I knew. We had a new admission early this morning right before rounds, so with the help of the night float team, I did a quick history and physical in addition to seeing my regular patients. I didn't have time to print up my history, so I apologized to my attending that I was going to present off memory. When I was done, he gave me a huge compliment in front of the team by telling the med student, "Now that was a perfect history; Sarah told a story with that one -- something that tends to get lost when people have their papers in front of them ... great job, Sarah." I actually felt not on top of my game since I had been so rushed that morning, so when my attending complimented me like that, I got a much needed boost. Being that I'm back in the PICU, I'm a little more emotional than normal, so I'm surprised I didn't start crying in front of the team!
Knowing that Hubby will be back in town in two days for two months (yay!!) makes this month easier to bear. I also love having Sebastian home to greet me at the end of the long day; his little tail wags a mile a minute every time I walk through the door, and he makes me laugh with his silly puppy antics. My little family is my escape from the stress of the PICU, and I am so thankful for them!
Being the most senior resident on the team has been a very interesting experience. I have a sub-intern (4th year medical student) on the team, two second year residents, and one second year outside rotator, and since none of them have been in the PICU before Monday, they have been looking to me for guidance. I've actually surprised myself at times when I give answers I didn't even know that I knew. We had a new admission early this morning right before rounds, so with the help of the night float team, I did a quick history and physical in addition to seeing my regular patients. I didn't have time to print up my history, so I apologized to my attending that I was going to present off memory. When I was done, he gave me a huge compliment in front of the team by telling the med student, "Now that was a perfect history; Sarah told a story with that one -- something that tends to get lost when people have their papers in front of them ... great job, Sarah." I actually felt not on top of my game since I had been so rushed that morning, so when my attending complimented me like that, I got a much needed boost. Being that I'm back in the PICU, I'm a little more emotional than normal, so I'm surprised I didn't start crying in front of the team!
Knowing that Hubby will be back in town in two days for two months (yay!!) makes this month easier to bear. I also love having Sebastian home to greet me at the end of the long day; his little tail wags a mile a minute every time I walk through the door, and he makes me laugh with his silly puppy antics. My little family is my escape from the stress of the PICU, and I am so thankful for them!
Friday, July 25, 2008
Wakey wakey ...
I am done with nights for a bit! I have three days off, and then I switch back to PICU days for a month (only two overnight calls for the four weeks). To try to switch my body back to days, I'm going to stay up as much as I can today and sleeeeeep like a baby after a sushi date tonight. Poor Hubby has barely seen me this week; I left for work Sunday around noon, got home the next morning around eight AM when he was already working, and proceeded to sleep until five PM. I'd leave for work around 6:30 and be gone all night til eight the next morning every night through last night, so it almost felt like an out of town week for us. He was so sweet and grilled filet mignon two nights during the week so that I would be well fed for the night (hospital food gets old!), so that made me miss him even more. We decided to go out for a date night to catch up on everything that has happened this week; I can't wait!
Even though we didn't see much of each other this week, I was so thankful Hubby was here this week; I was part of a really sad situation involving a young kiddo earlier this week, and when that got combined with another stressful situation at work, I broke down crying in front of one of my favorite pharmacists. Coming home to a long hug helped my tears to dry and my spirit to heal. I already know that the PICU will have sad stories (as it always does), so I look forward to having his support close at hand.
On another exciting note, Hubby will be out of town for another week and then will be back in our own city for at least TWO MONTHS. There really aren't words to express how overjoyed I was when I heard this project came through. We haven't lived in the same city consistently for that long since we were engaged, so I am THRILLED. This project is such an answer to my prayers. As an added bonus, the project is coming when I should only have to spend four of those nights in the hospital. While they will be difficult intense months for me (PICU and Cardiology senior), having my best friend home at the end of the day will make everything more bearable.
Even though we didn't see much of each other this week, I was so thankful Hubby was here this week; I was part of a really sad situation involving a young kiddo earlier this week, and when that got combined with another stressful situation at work, I broke down crying in front of one of my favorite pharmacists. Coming home to a long hug helped my tears to dry and my spirit to heal. I already know that the PICU will have sad stories (as it always does), so I look forward to having his support close at hand.
On another exciting note, Hubby will be out of town for another week and then will be back in our own city for at least TWO MONTHS. There really aren't words to express how overjoyed I was when I heard this project came through. We haven't lived in the same city consistently for that long since we were engaged, so I am THRILLED. This project is such an answer to my prayers. As an added bonus, the project is coming when I should only have to spend four of those nights in the hospital. While they will be difficult intense months for me (PICU and Cardiology senior), having my best friend home at the end of the day will make everything more bearable.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Outside my comfort zone
Last week I had the blessing to spend half a day in a clinic for refugees. As it was explained to me, these are not just people who have come to America in search of a better life; they are people who have been forced out of their homes by persecution and are here in America because it has been deemed unsafe for them to return home. The stories the clinic staff told me left me flabbergasted and reminded me just how naive and sheltered I am. Few of these people speak English, and many of them know no one else here except for the family members who have fled here with them.
By the time the patients are seen in this clinic, they have typically been in the country for a week or less and are being seen by a doctor because some flag popped up on their initial screening exam by one of the nurses. Frequently this complaint turns out to be something very minor such as a cold or a knee ache from five years ago, but sometimes it turns out to be something more. During my visit to the clinic, a patient returned to the clinic for the results of blood work drawn a few weeks earlier. It turns out that this teenage patient had a chronic disease that we were the first to diagnose. The patient had initially come for evaluation of a cough and had no clue that we were about to present dramatically important news.
Had this patient been born in America, we would have caught this disease when the patient was less than a month old. Although there is no cure, we would have been able to provide close monitoring as well as therapy to help deal with the symptoms of the disease. I honestly do not know what the future will hold for this patient since I have never seen this disease diagnosed so far along.
I'm guessing my attending figured that since I will be through with my training in less than a year, I was qualified to deliver this news, and she reminded me to keep it as simple as possible since the family had likely never heard of the disease. When we brought the patient and the parents back to the exam room to speak with them, we quickly ran into an obstacle. Like most of the other patients in this clinic, the family did not speak English; we were prepared for this and used a worldwide translation phone line that we have available. Unfortunately the language spoken by the family is extremely common in their home country but barely spoken elsewhere; my attending informed me that there are only two or three workers in the entire world that are employed by the translation line who speak both English and this language, so when they are not working (as was the case this day), we were just out of luck. We ended up figuring out that the father spoke a little of another language in addition to his native tongue, so we used a translator to speak that language, and the father then had to translate into his native tongue for his wife and child. The situation was far from ideal, but I hoped that we were able to provide a little help to them.
The entire experience left me speechless for several days. I started residency two years ago with minimal comprehension of Spanish; now I'm comfortable taking a quick history and answering simple questions in Spanish, and even when I use an interpreter, I understand the majority of what is being said. Working in this clinic was completely different. I didn't have an interpreter readily available, and most of my patients that day did not have any resources whatsoever. The clinic was located where it was because most of the patients would be able to walk to it, and we had to figure out ways to get the medicines we prescribed for the patients rather than just writing a prescription and sending them on their way. I felt like I was almost practicing medicine in a third world country, yet here I was in the middle of one of the biggest cities in America.
Even with everything I see on a regular basis, I still am sheltered from certain parts of the world. I get to go back to this clinic again this week, and I'm looking forward to having my eyes opened again to something new.
By the time the patients are seen in this clinic, they have typically been in the country for a week or less and are being seen by a doctor because some flag popped up on their initial screening exam by one of the nurses. Frequently this complaint turns out to be something very minor such as a cold or a knee ache from five years ago, but sometimes it turns out to be something more. During my visit to the clinic, a patient returned to the clinic for the results of blood work drawn a few weeks earlier. It turns out that this teenage patient had a chronic disease that we were the first to diagnose. The patient had initially come for evaluation of a cough and had no clue that we were about to present dramatically important news.
Had this patient been born in America, we would have caught this disease when the patient was less than a month old. Although there is no cure, we would have been able to provide close monitoring as well as therapy to help deal with the symptoms of the disease. I honestly do not know what the future will hold for this patient since I have never seen this disease diagnosed so far along.
I'm guessing my attending figured that since I will be through with my training in less than a year, I was qualified to deliver this news, and she reminded me to keep it as simple as possible since the family had likely never heard of the disease. When we brought the patient and the parents back to the exam room to speak with them, we quickly ran into an obstacle. Like most of the other patients in this clinic, the family did not speak English; we were prepared for this and used a worldwide translation phone line that we have available. Unfortunately the language spoken by the family is extremely common in their home country but barely spoken elsewhere; my attending informed me that there are only two or three workers in the entire world that are employed by the translation line who speak both English and this language, so when they are not working (as was the case this day), we were just out of luck. We ended up figuring out that the father spoke a little of another language in addition to his native tongue, so we used a translator to speak that language, and the father then had to translate into his native tongue for his wife and child. The situation was far from ideal, but I hoped that we were able to provide a little help to them.
The entire experience left me speechless for several days. I started residency two years ago with minimal comprehension of Spanish; now I'm comfortable taking a quick history and answering simple questions in Spanish, and even when I use an interpreter, I understand the majority of what is being said. Working in this clinic was completely different. I didn't have an interpreter readily available, and most of my patients that day did not have any resources whatsoever. The clinic was located where it was because most of the patients would be able to walk to it, and we had to figure out ways to get the medicines we prescribed for the patients rather than just writing a prescription and sending them on their way. I felt like I was almost practicing medicine in a third world country, yet here I was in the middle of one of the biggest cities in America.
Even with everything I see on a regular basis, I still am sheltered from certain parts of the world. I get to go back to this clinic again this week, and I'm looking forward to having my eyes opened again to something new.
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