What is this??

What is this, a new blog entry? I promise that I've been alive. My blog has been sorely neglected for the last (almost) 3 months, but hopefully this will change soon. My life became an insane whirlwind of activity, but things are slowly starting to settle down into a routine. Rather than give excuses, I'll give a quick recap of the last 3 months.

May - I survived the NICU. I had 2 fabulous co-senior residents that month, and I don't know how I could have done it without them! My worst dark cloud ever followed me closely that month. When I started the rotation, I had called the medical examiner to notify him of a death only once during residency; by the end of the month, I had done it an additional three times. I saw things I never want to see again and cried more than I hope to do for a long time. Again, I am beyond thankful for the doctors, nurses, respiratory therapist, dietitians, techs, and all other people that God calls to work in the ICU setting; they truly are special people!

June - I was GI senior and spent the last week of my residency with brand new interns. They actually did a great job, and the month wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, but 4 service sub-specialty call almost handed my bootie to me a few times. I'm glad my former program is doing away with that because it's just too much work for one senior to adequately cover that many sick kids. I also turned 28, and Hubby and I had a wonderful dinner together to celebrate. He got me the new iPhone plus a new Tiffany necklace; I felt so spoiled!! :)

I finished residency at 4 PM on June 30th and almost danced out of the hospital! I'd already shed my tears several times as I'd said my goodbyes, so the actual leaving of the hospital for the last time wasn't nearly as emotional as I had thought it would be.

July - I slept in for one day, and then Hubby and I left for Paris on the 2nd! We were gone for a whole week, and it was amazing. I posted most of our pictures onto Facebook, so I won't go through the trouble of posting all 480 of them back onto Blogger. (I figure that if you're reading my blog, you're likely already my friend on Facebook. If not, give me a holler!) We ate like kings, saw so many amazing museums, and just generally had a great time not thinking about work and just experiencing the country.

I had about a week to relax after we returned, and then I started my new job. I LOVE IT!! I'm the second pediatrician in a practice, and even though it's only been a week, I am already so happy here. My entire staff is wonderful and have been such a big help to me as I'm getting used to things out here, and the physician who hired me as been fabulous to me. Seriously, there are moments where I can't believe that this is my life! The only thing I don't like about the job actually has nothing to do with the job; it's my 45 minute commute each way. Hubby and I are still trying to sell the house, and as soon as we do, we'll move much closer to my job.

All in all, life is great.

Roller coaster ride

The last week has been quite a roller coaster ride. On more than one day, I cared for patients who have been the victim of child abuse. I actually started to cry in the ER after one particularly emotional case, and I had to sneak out for a few minutes til the tears stopped and I could compose myself. I hate that these kids are suffering, but I love helping them. I held one for a while during one of my shifts and whispered to this little one that they are loved. Who knows if this child had ever heard that before? The very thought broke my heart.

In stark contrast to those awful experiences, yesterday held an amazing moment for me where I sat down with a family and talked over a diagnosis that I correctly identified after two other outside physicians had missed it. I loved being able to provide reassurance to these parents, and 15 minutes after we started talking, the mom thanked me and proclaimed, "I feel 100% better; I think I'll actually be able to sleep tonight." When I left their room for the last time, I felt a serious sense of accomplishment. While I was proud that my knowledge base had expanded enough that I knew the correct diagnosis, I was even more thrilled that I had been able to connect with these parents and relieve their anxiety. They trusted me, and as I was talking with them, I realized just how much I love this part of my job!

I have been given a huge responsibility and a huge gift at the same time. What a thrill!

YAAAAAY!!!

I HAVE A JOB!!


I signed my contract this evening. I have a job in Plano joining a private practice; I'll be starting shortly after residency ends. Hubby and I are SO EXCITED!! God has been SO faithful through all of this. Now it's time to put our house out on the market and pray for a buyer.

Did I mention that I HAVE A JOB?

:)

Pause

I take after my dad in many aspects. One of those is my dislike of the uncertain. If you tell me, "I have something to tell you," I want to know now, not later, especially if you tell me that you have bad news. Hubby will back me up on this one; he has learned he can never tell me that we have something we need to talk about unless he's ready to sit down now. I can't stand the suspense!

Tuesday night I got an email from my attorney letting me know that she wants to discuss my contract with me, but unfortunately, she's had a death in her family and will be out of town til early next week. I definitely appreciate her letting me know why she'd be out of touch for several days, but it made me NERVOUS. I had really hoped to get the ball rolling on getting my contract signed this week, but now there will be a delay.

I was so stressed when I got the email last night. I actually had a momentary freak-out til Hubby and my dad both talked some sense into me. Now I'm fine; I still don't like waiting for a week to hear her opinion, but I know that it will all work out.

The situation reminded me of a quote from Evan Almighty; Morgan Freeman is playing God, and he asks Evan's wife this question:

Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

In my old Bible, I underlined Philippians 4:6-7 (referenced in this post) and wrote "Do not be anxious, Sarah!" right next to it. I know God is using this time to teach me patience through practice. Now it's time to put it into action and be at peace through the next week or however long it takes to complete this.

When I have everything signed, then I will be able to tell more about the specifics of the job. Needless to say, I am VERY excited!!

Apparently I'm wise ...

There have been two times in the last two weeks that I've been told I'm either very wise or very smart for stating things that seem very common sense to me. The first time, the front desk staff at an office where I was interviewing kept apologizing because the physician who was interviewing me was running fifteen minutes late. Fifteen minutes late in the middle of flu season is NOT bad at all! I made the comment that anyone who didn't understand running a little behind in the dead of winter probably doesn't belong in pediatrics. That statement got me big points.

Today I was talking with two medical students, one of whom is recently married and the other who is in a long term relationship. I mentioned that Hubby and I have a rule that we do not argue on an empty stomach, and that if either of us hasn't eaten, we postpone the "discussion" until at least part way through the meal. That rule has saved us SO many fights! Both of us can be quite cranky when we're hungry, so taking that factor out of the equation has made navigating the differences we have much easier. Both of them looked at me like I was a genius, and the male student said that he was going to talk to his girlfriend that night about implementing that rule.

Maybe I should look into Mensa.

Good day

I had my first interview today. I have two more scheduled within the next six days, and I'm still working on scheduling another one. Today went really well, and I am very thankful for that! I know God will guide me where I am supposed to go; now I just have to be patient to see where that is. Can I mention that I looked awesome in my suit? I caught a glance of myself in the mirror, and I couldn't believe how much I looked like a grown-up. :)

In the meantime, I do have several fun activities lined up for the next few days ... dinner with the residency applicants on Thursday, lunch with my best friend from growing up on Saturday, and a Super Bowl party on Sunday. I'm excited about all of these but especially seeing Lindsay; she's pregnant with her first child, so I'll get to see her and meet her husband for the first time.

I have so many things for which to be thankful!

Growing pains

This has been a rough two days. I finish residency in less than six months, and I don't have a job yet. To my knowledge, none of us in my class who want to go into private practice do, so I don't feel too bad, but I'm still scared. When I get scared, I tend to do one of two things: go into overdrive or freeze. When it comes to finding a job, I've been frozen in my tracks. I haven't had much guidance in the process, so I have drug my feet along. Over the last twenty seven years, I've gotten really good at applications for school and for residency, but again with each of those, I had a more clear direction on where to move. Here, I feel like I'm standing on the edge of the high dive on a cloudy night, waiting to dive headfirst into the dark waters below. I don't know what lies beneath, and it frightens me.

So why have the last two days been rough? I went to a gen peds interest meeting last night and talked to former residents who are now in private practice. Seeing them with their "real" jobs made me realize how scared I am that I won't find one. I know that I can get "a" job, but I want "the" job. I went home and emailed a few contacts that I'd been dawdling over and two new contacts that I had obtained, but still my mind kept racing. I tried for a few hours to fall asleep, but I was gripped with anxiety like I haven't felt since college. Anyone who knew me then will likely remember how uptight I was, but not all of them knew that I lived with a constant knot in my stomach. Many times I couldn't even verbalize why I was so anxious, but the constant worry of things to come clouded so many of my days.

I fell asleep last night with prayers on my lips and woke early this morning to find comfort in His Word. I am not a morning person, so for me to be fully awake and functional enough to have a quiet time that early was amazing. Later today I made a cold call to a practice that I really really liked and hoped would have an opening; the fact that I could even cold call an office, let alone this one, amazed me because I hate doing any sort of asking for my own needs. To my disappointment, I was told that they would like to hire another pediatrician but just don't have the funding for it right now to help me establish my practice.

I hung up the phone, crestfallen. This practice appears to have everything I want -- great physicians, great office staff, great location, great call schedule; I began to wonder if I would ever find another practice that I liked as much as I like this one now -- or any practice at all that would take me. I texted Hubby to ask him to pray for me as I could feel myself growing anxious again, and I know my sweet Heavenly Father provided comfort for me as I drove home.

As I spent time working out, I began to realize that while I have been praying "Your will be done," my evil, selfish flesh is wishing for "MY will be done." It's my will that I join this practice, but unless God is the master of it, the entire experience will be a disaster. He has never provided anything less than the best for me, so why should I doubt Him now in this area of my life?

I'm not saying that the next few months will be easy or comfortable for me -- NOT AT ALL! I have a telephone interview with someone tomorrow, and we will have to see what opportunities come from that. God already knows where I will be in six or seven months, so until He reveals it to me, I will do my best to rest in His peace and hold on to the words of Philippians 4:6-7:

6 Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.

7 And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. -- Amplified Bible

I love it!! I just got Jon Foreman's CD Limbs and Branches, and the first song on the CD speaks to me where I am now. Sometimes hearing familiar Scriptures in a new way makes them so fresh and so alive.

Heavenly Father, You always amaze me
Let Your kingdom come in my world and in my life
You give me the food I need to live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive the people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation; deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window; the birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune or out of place
I look at the meadow and stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Chorus (3x):
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens is now advancing
Invade my heart; invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself to buy the one you've found?

Two things You told me: that You are strong and You love me
Yes, You love me

(Chorus 3x)

Our God in heaven, hallowed be Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread; forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices and deliver us from these prisons