My calling

I am so tired. These last two weeks have been crazy; we have been so busy at the hospital that we have filled all the beds for the past two nights, a feat usually reserved the busy winter season. I'm gone five nights a week, and when I'm home, I pretty much just want to sleep.

There are so many days where I wonder why God called me to this. I never had plans to become a doctor. I realized I was supposed to go to medical school only 3 months before the applications opened, but the signs were so clear that I couldn't ignore them. I had planned to do Med-Peds, but yet again God made it more than obvious to me that my place was with children only. Each time He has blessed me for following Him, but there are days when I wish He hadn't asked this of me. There are times when I am just so tired that I wish He'd asked me to do something with more normal hours or less pressure. Then there are times when the emotional burden is so heavy that I can't hold back the tears.

I know there is a purpose for me being here where I am now. I know I will never be a famous name, nor do I desire that. I just want to make a difference in my patients' lives. I want to reflect the love of Christ in everything I do. VERY early this morning I was called to mediate a conflict between a "difficult" mother and the rest of the floor team. I spent an hour and a half with this mom and her child, and I think all the woman really wanted was to be heard. I was able to convince her to let me treat her child appropriately, and I watched this woman cry as she divulged to me that she knew her sick child would not be with her forever and that she was just doing her best to take care of a very complicated, very sick girl. I truly could feel Christ's love pouring out of me on to her, and I was surprised at how much patience I felt during the situation.

I don't understand even half the details of my life right now. I am so confused about figuring out the "right" time for everything in my life, but in the end, I know it comes back to clinging to God the same way I have for every other major decision. He hasn't led me wrong yet!

In the meantime, I should probably get some sleep. Tonight is shaping up to be a doozy!