I had my first interview today. I have two more scheduled within the next six days, and I'm still working on scheduling another one. Today went really well, and I am very thankful for that! I know God will guide me where I am supposed to go; now I just have to be patient to see where that is. Can I mention that I looked awesome in my suit? I caught a glance of myself in the mirror, and I couldn't believe how much I looked like a grown-up. :)
In the meantime, I do have several fun activities lined up for the next few days ... dinner with the residency applicants on Thursday, lunch with my best friend from growing up on Saturday, and a Super Bowl party on Sunday. I'm excited about all of these but especially seeing Lindsay; she's pregnant with her first child, so I'll get to see her and meet her husband for the first time.
I have so many things for which to be thankful!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Growing pains
This has been a rough two days. I finish residency in less than six months, and I don't have a job yet. To my knowledge, none of us in my class who want to go into private practice do, so I don't feel too bad, but I'm still scared. When I get scared, I tend to do one of two things: go into overdrive or freeze. When it comes to finding a job, I've been frozen in my tracks. I haven't had much guidance in the process, so I have drug my feet along. Over the last twenty seven years, I've gotten really good at applications for school and for residency, but again with each of those, I had a more clear direction on where to move. Here, I feel like I'm standing on the edge of the high dive on a cloudy night, waiting to dive headfirst into the dark waters below. I don't know what lies beneath, and it frightens me.
So why have the last two days been rough? I went to a gen peds interest meeting last night and talked to former residents who are now in private practice. Seeing them with their "real" jobs made me realize how scared I am that I won't find one. I know that I can get "a" job, but I want "the" job. I went home and emailed a few contacts that I'd been dawdling over and two new contacts that I had obtained, but still my mind kept racing. I tried for a few hours to fall asleep, but I was gripped with anxiety like I haven't felt since college. Anyone who knew me then will likely remember how uptight I was, but not all of them knew that I lived with a constant knot in my stomach. Many times I couldn't even verbalize why I was so anxious, but the constant worry of things to come clouded so many of my days.
I fell asleep last night with prayers on my lips and woke early this morning to find comfort in His Word. I am not a morning person, so for me to be fully awake and functional enough to have a quiet time that early was amazing. Later today I made a cold call to a practice that I really really liked and hoped would have an opening; the fact that I could even cold call an office, let alone this one, amazed me because I hate doing any sort of asking for my own needs. To my disappointment, I was told that they would like to hire another pediatrician but just don't have the funding for it right now to help me establish my practice.
I hung up the phone, crestfallen. This practice appears to have everything I want -- great physicians, great office staff, great location, great call schedule; I began to wonder if I would ever find another practice that I liked as much as I like this one now -- or any practice at all that would take me. I texted Hubby to ask him to pray for me as I could feel myself growing anxious again, and I know my sweet Heavenly Father provided comfort for me as I drove home.
As I spent time working out, I began to realize that while I have been praying "Your will be done," my evil, selfish flesh is wishing for "MY will be done." It's my will that I join this practice, but unless God is the master of it, the entire experience will be a disaster. He has never provided anything less than the best for me, so why should I doubt Him now in this area of my life?
I'm not saying that the next few months will be easy or comfortable for me -- NOT AT ALL! I have a telephone interview with someone tomorrow, and we will have to see what opportunities come from that. God already knows where I will be in six or seven months, so until He reveals it to me, I will do my best to rest in His peace and hold on to the words of Philippians 4:6-7:
So why have the last two days been rough? I went to a gen peds interest meeting last night and talked to former residents who are now in private practice. Seeing them with their "real" jobs made me realize how scared I am that I won't find one. I know that I can get "a" job, but I want "the" job. I went home and emailed a few contacts that I'd been dawdling over and two new contacts that I had obtained, but still my mind kept racing. I tried for a few hours to fall asleep, but I was gripped with anxiety like I haven't felt since college. Anyone who knew me then will likely remember how uptight I was, but not all of them knew that I lived with a constant knot in my stomach. Many times I couldn't even verbalize why I was so anxious, but the constant worry of things to come clouded so many of my days.
I fell asleep last night with prayers on my lips and woke early this morning to find comfort in His Word. I am not a morning person, so for me to be fully awake and functional enough to have a quiet time that early was amazing. Later today I made a cold call to a practice that I really really liked and hoped would have an opening; the fact that I could even cold call an office, let alone this one, amazed me because I hate doing any sort of asking for my own needs. To my disappointment, I was told that they would like to hire another pediatrician but just don't have the funding for it right now to help me establish my practice.
I hung up the phone, crestfallen. This practice appears to have everything I want -- great physicians, great office staff, great location, great call schedule; I began to wonder if I would ever find another practice that I liked as much as I like this one now -- or any practice at all that would take me. I texted Hubby to ask him to pray for me as I could feel myself growing anxious again, and I know my sweet Heavenly Father provided comfort for me as I drove home.
As I spent time working out, I began to realize that while I have been praying "Your will be done," my evil, selfish flesh is wishing for "MY will be done." It's my will that I join this practice, but unless God is the master of it, the entire experience will be a disaster. He has never provided anything less than the best for me, so why should I doubt Him now in this area of my life?
I'm not saying that the next few months will be easy or comfortable for me -- NOT AT ALL! I have a telephone interview with someone tomorrow, and we will have to see what opportunities come from that. God already knows where I will be in six or seven months, so until He reveals it to me, I will do my best to rest in His peace and hold on to the words of Philippians 4:6-7:
6 Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.
7 And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. -- Amplified Bible
I love it!! I just got Jon Foreman's CD Limbs and Branches, and the first song on the CD speaks to me where I am now. Sometimes hearing familiar Scriptures in a new way makes them so fresh and so alive.
Heavenly Father, You always amaze me
Let Your kingdom come in my world and in my life
You give me the food I need to live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive the people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation; deliver me from the evil oneI look out the window; the birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune or out of place
I look at the meadow and stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl on her wedding daySo why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need
Chorus (3x):
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strongThe kingdom of the heavens is now advancing
Invade my heart; invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself to buy the one you've found?
Two things You told me: that You are strong and You love me
Yes, You love me(Chorus 3x)
Our God in heaven, hallowed be Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread; forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices and deliver us from these prisons
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Happy New Year
I didn't mean to let 2.5 weeks lapse between entries, but as it usually does, life got in the way. I only have 1 week left of being senior on this service, and then it's 3 months of electives in a row for me. Can't wait! Less than 180 days left of residency -- whoo hoo!
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