Yesterday sucked. After starting the morning in the NICU at 6 AM, I got "tricked" into a situation that forced me to stay in my weekly continuity clinic until 6:30 PM last night (oh the sheer agony of it all). I was extremely frustrated by the entire situation and wasn't as eager as usual to get to work today.
In stark contrast, today's day at work was fabulous. I arrived in the NICU and checked the patient board out of habit. For about 1.5 seconds, my heart stopped; one of my very favorite patients was no longer on the board. I thought to myself, "Oh no ... it couldn't have happened ... she was doing so well ... wait a second, there's her name -- she moved rooms! She's ACN!!!" For the uninitiated, we divide our babies into 3 main categories: 1) intensive care nursery (ICN) -- the sickest ones who aren't doing so well and need high levels of attention, 2) acute care nursery (ACN) -- babies who still require monitoring but are on the mend, and 3) continued care nursery (CCN) -- little guys and gals who are usually just learning how to eat all their meals by mouth and not a tube so that they can go home. My little one had done so well that after 2 months in ICN, she finally moved down right before I'm about to hand her off to another resident on Monday. It was a great thing to see her doing better. Another one of my very favorite patients also officially made the move to CCN today and is preparing to go home early next week after over 3 months in the NICU; today was just a great day for my babies! Since I didn't have any ICNs to check out at our 3 PM ICN rounds, I got to leave work 2 hours early today -- another FABULOUS thing after my long day last night. Only 7 hours at the hospital today instead of 12.5!!
After that, my day took a momentary dip. I discovered my husband has unfortunately been requested to be out in California for at least an additional two weeks of the new year. Secret translation of his company = ha ha, we got you now; see your wife in June! I know it's not really like that, but I was so upset and so disappointed that I called my mom and just started to cry. I can't even enjoy my marriage most of the time because we're hours and miles apart, and I ache to my very soul without him. As I cried to my mom (who was a medicine widow herself for several years as my dad did his residency), I drove down the road to Target. Then I spotted him ... about 5 seconds too late. The motorcycle cop on the side of the road walked out in front of me as I was going 10 miles over the speed limit and motioned me on to the side street. Oh no! I hung up the phone and rolled down the window. He asked me for my license and insurance, and I asked if I could get out of the car to get my wallet from the back seat. I didn't offer excuses, and I tried my best to dry my tears. I knew I was speeding, and I knew I was wrong; there was no point in trying to argue my way out of the ticket because I knew I deserved it. I was still wearing my scrubs and pager as I stepped out of the car, and when I handed him my license, he asked me where I worked. I told him, and he asked me what exactly I did. I told him I was a first year resident, and the conversation proceeded like this:
Officer: Yeah, you probably really don't need a ticket right now, do you?
Me: Well, no ... (my voice starts to crack and tears start to roll) and I just found out my husband's job in California got extended two more weeks, so he won't be home when we planned.
Officer: (as he hands me my license) Ma'am, please just try to pay more attention next time. Have a nice day.
I thanked him profusely and climbed back into my car. Before I could turn around and drive off, he already had another car pulled over. I couldn't believe it! I was totally prepared to accept the ticket, and the kind officer showed me mercy and didn't punish me for speeding. This incident helped me to put things into perspective and remember what a great and merciful God we have. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength ... all things.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Head above water
Okay, Todd, okay ... I apologize for the lack of blog material, but everything in my life lately has seemed too serious for an entry or too stupid to waste time writing about it. Add to that my complete lack of time on the computer, and you get no new blog material. Todd, Laurie and Jeanine (whom I would love to meet one day), my faithful readers, here is an entry just for you.
Life is moving too quickly before my eyes. I'm two weeks into my four week neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) rotation, and the things I've seen have blown my mind. It's crazy how little these babies are; it's even crazier the abilities we have to help them. 37-40 weeks gestation is considered full term, and our hospital will make the effort to save babies as young as 23 weeks and as small as a pound at birth (although there is frequently a certain amount of ethical dilemma involved in treating those that little versus letting nature take its course since the prognosis is so poor). I don't think I could do this forever, but now that I've learned the rules of neonatology (totally different from the general rules of pediatrics -- go figure), it's getting to be more fun. I just love the babies; I make it a point to do at least one feeding per call night. Holding the little ones is so relaxing, and some of these babies are just so cuddly! Taking care of some of the extremely sick babies is so hard; you get very emotionally attached to them, and when things don't work out perfectly, it hurts.
At least I'm back on a more human(e) schedule. The first week in the NICU, I was getting up at 4:15 every morning to make it to work by 5 or a little earlier; now that I'm getting the system down, I'm only getting up at 5. It is still weird to leave for work when it's dark and occasionally not leave for home until it's dark again; at least I'm not fighting my circadian rhythm anymore. My husband has been home for a large part of the last two weeks (only gone for four out of fourteen days!), and since tomorrow is his birthday, he gets to stay in town for an extra day. Having him home has been amazing; this is the most time we've spent together since July. I've had the chance to make dinner several nights, and even though it was nothing fancy, it was still great to cook for two. I've already had 3 out of my 4 days off this month, and he's been in town for all of them. We have almost finished the Christmas shopping (thank goodness for amazon.com) and have even put up our Christmas tree. Life has been pretty decent lately, and I'm very thankful for everything that's going on. I have never had a year harder than this one, but in spite of everything, I am still joyful.
Life is moving too quickly before my eyes. I'm two weeks into my four week neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) rotation, and the things I've seen have blown my mind. It's crazy how little these babies are; it's even crazier the abilities we have to help them. 37-40 weeks gestation is considered full term, and our hospital will make the effort to save babies as young as 23 weeks and as small as a pound at birth (although there is frequently a certain amount of ethical dilemma involved in treating those that little versus letting nature take its course since the prognosis is so poor). I don't think I could do this forever, but now that I've learned the rules of neonatology (totally different from the general rules of pediatrics -- go figure), it's getting to be more fun. I just love the babies; I make it a point to do at least one feeding per call night. Holding the little ones is so relaxing, and some of these babies are just so cuddly! Taking care of some of the extremely sick babies is so hard; you get very emotionally attached to them, and when things don't work out perfectly, it hurts.
At least I'm back on a more human(e) schedule. The first week in the NICU, I was getting up at 4:15 every morning to make it to work by 5 or a little earlier; now that I'm getting the system down, I'm only getting up at 5. It is still weird to leave for work when it's dark and occasionally not leave for home until it's dark again; at least I'm not fighting my circadian rhythm anymore. My husband has been home for a large part of the last two weeks (only gone for four out of fourteen days!), and since tomorrow is his birthday, he gets to stay in town for an extra day. Having him home has been amazing; this is the most time we've spent together since July. I've had the chance to make dinner several nights, and even though it was nothing fancy, it was still great to cook for two. I've already had 3 out of my 4 days off this month, and he's been in town for all of them. We have almost finished the Christmas shopping (thank goodness for amazon.com) and have even put up our Christmas tree. Life has been pretty decent lately, and I'm very thankful for everything that's going on. I have never had a year harder than this one, but in spite of everything, I am still joyful.
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